just come out here and I will go home with you...
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
