you guys were way drunker than both of me
if only i could text you this smell
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Randomize
