I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Randomize
