i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
