when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
