My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
