i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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