So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
