worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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