This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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