Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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