Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
