So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
