ugly people sure do ruin things
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
