I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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