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• (248): View more from Michigan

  I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that

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• (646): View more from New York

  My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.

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• (661): View more from California

  I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.

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• (719): View more from Colorado

  Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.

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• (650): View more from California

  sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.

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• (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.

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• (601): View more from Mississippi

  I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.

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• (707): View more from California

  By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?

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• (954): View more from Florida

  “before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“

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• (813): View more from Florida

  Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!

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