my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
