What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
