Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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