Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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