Kiss
Puke
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
