I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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