I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
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