Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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