This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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