The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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