Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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