you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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