Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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