return my video game
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
