Soap is not a condiment
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
