i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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