Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
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I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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