Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
