I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
