I will die if light touches me.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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