just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
