Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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