i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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