I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
