I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
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