did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I came so hard my ears popped.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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