my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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