Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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