At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I need to stop coming to work sober
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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