just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
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he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Maybe he injected his testicle?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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