Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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