google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
