Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
