would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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