I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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