Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
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