The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
