is this the sara with the beer cane?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
dude. I can hear the air.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
