I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
