Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
She just used a chaser for red wine.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
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