I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
