She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
