: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
