I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
