I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
