I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
