How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
