Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
wow bdsm is so cute
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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