Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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