If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You're a waste of cheezeits
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
