Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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