She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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