im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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