i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
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