Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
