Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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