Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Randomize
