My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
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I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
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You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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