my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
he was CRYING into my vagina
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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