omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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