dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I have so many feelings about this burrito
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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